It may be odd to talk about mindset red flags on a website about selfcare, but we think mindset is important as it affects all aspects of your life. We believe that being aware of our mindset red flags can save us lots of time. Knowing what mindset red flags are, and how to address them, can help us not only in caring for ourselves more but also improving our productivity, finances and overall well being.
However, we know it’s hard to change…
You’re not alone if you’ve ever felt like something was wrong with the way you think. Maybe you feel like you’re never good enough, or that there’s always a goal to achieve to prove your importance to society. Or maybe it’s something else entirely. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to know that these thoughts and feelings are normal—and they can be corrected.
The first step is recognizing when things aren’t right- that is, when we’re struggling with mindset red flags—a belief systems that aren’t serving us well and therefore, needs to be addressed immediately before it gets out of hand.
Here are 3 mindset red flags we are definitely not ignoring this year and so should you.
Overview
- Thou shall not ask permission of others to enjoy thy life!
- Thou shall not talk themselves out of thy own vision!
- Thou shall not fuel thy own inner critic!
Needing The Permission of Others To Our Enjoy Life
Do you ever feel like you need other people there to actually have fun and enjoy your life?
If yes, you’re not alone.
In fact, many people (including myself :)) go through their days feeling guilty about doing things that make them happy because they feel like they should be doing something more productive, something more adventurous or important with their time but are not because their friends or loved ones canceled last minute or are too shy or awkward to branch out in the world by themselves. But here’s the thing: by depriving ourselves of experiences that we love and crave in order to allow for the timing of others, we indirectly subject ourselves and our life experiences to the permission of others.
We all have the same amount of hours in a day, and we all have the same amount of time left on this planet and you get one life experience so why wait to experience and go through all the wonderful things only when others can accommodate you?
Do what makes you happy, feel loved, improves your life experiences and if it means being brave enough to do it alone in small steps – then please do it!
Talking Yourself Out Of Your Vision
The crazy thing about being a human connected to our essence is – we cannot lie to ourselves and our inner system truly believes it. We all know what makes us happy, when we are comfortable, when we are doing our absolute best and when we are winging it. More importantly, we all know when what we are doing feels like the proper right path.
A lot of us have many visions and aspirations for ourselves but maybe it is a toxic parent that made you lose your self-confidence by telling you to put aside that “dream” or it’s a spouse who is not supportive of your vision for your life. The most important voices we have around us greatly shape who we become but whether or not we like it, the nudge to pursue that vision will always rear its head from within from time to time.
My vision was always to build a community where people’s lives were positively impacted. Even in my first company, initialized as “BFF” – I secretly craved the need for a community of healthy eaters. That vision did not die even through the hurt of closing down my business. It resurfaced in 2020 when covid happened.
Yes, the fear is there of what will happen if I mess up again and things do not go accordingly or if I am competent to be worthy of such a big audacious dream, but the funny thing about fear is that it can also be “courageous”. The fear of failing makes me work harder now – I sit with the fear and work through it because the love and vision for my life is bigger, louder than my fear. And so should you.
If your vision keeps resurfacing but you keep talking yourself out of it- from it’s not the right time, to when I have more money, to when I am older- Remember, you only have one life experience and the best time to start a dream that feels too late is Now. Stop ignoring this mindset red flag, take action on that vision, work alongside the fear so you remain more connected to your essence and do your best.
Fueling Our Inner Critic
What is an inner critic? An inner critic is a voice inside of you that tells you that you’re not good enough or that you should give up on something. It can be triggered by certain events or people, but it’s always there, ready to tell you that whatever you’re doing isn’t good enough.
I’ve experienced my own inner critic in many different situations over the years—from not passing my first legal interview and internalizing it as something was wrong with me to closing my first business and further sinking into that belief that I was not worthy or good enough for success plus the many rejections of my first book which I interpreted as being that I wasn’t good enough to be a writer too.
Rejection hurts but what hurts us more is allowing that one incident to define ourselves and our lives forever. It is okay to ponder and cry and soak your insides up in ice cream as self-care for that one bad day or period but it becomes a major mindset red flag when we cannot make any decision because our inner critic is louder than a high pitched baby.
This becomes toxic not only for us but subconsciously for others around us who may perceive that voice rearing its head in group conversation from time to time, even without us knowing.
So this is not a time to be critical of the fact that we are critical (haha!). Instead, let’s learn how to practice self-compassion (more on this in a future blog!) and tune down our perfectionism state of mind, which is a killer of joy.
Final Thoughts
Your mindset does not have to be any of the above listed red flags. But once you recognize a mindset red flag in yourself or another person (you know, those things that you see or feel (cos energy does not lie) and it makes you think “huh, something’s not right here.”) Like a twig sticking out of your tire or a splinter in your toe—those are mindset red flags. When you experience those, always ask yourself: “What does this mean?”
Reflect on what caused the situation in the first place, journal out your thoughts and how it might affect future decisions if left unchecked. Then take action! Address whatever issue is causing this mindset red flag by addressing it directly—whether through conversation or action—and move forward confidently with renewed purpose and direction because we all know that ignoring these thoughts and actions can cause them to fester and get worse over time.
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We hope you found this to be helpful. Comment below on some mindset red flags you wish to change for you this year.
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